rockin' my world.

ACT.528 - i'm so fucked.

oh my . i have no words to describe my feelings now. From what i know , most of my sec sch buddy friends was accepted by NTU. And most of them have much higher GPA than me. I'm only 3.171. And year 2 onwards , i really studied and gave what i could. ( please minus the part about me sleeping in class everytime because dragonboat and gym sessions really tire me out plus , how can i listen to some lecturer that has no passion in teaching as well. whoever that doesn't excite me , makes me sleep. )

and guess what , i landed the max GPA was 3.4 ( attachment was a 4 but don't count that ). I did my projects with all i could , spend late nights with my classmates researching and putting up the entire thing. I guess we gave our best. and I studied and studied , try to store ALL that information into my tiny weeny damned brain , drank all the brain supplements i could get ( that includes Chicken Essence , Berocca , Red Bull , Coffee ) and memorised what i could.

and my max was 12 pages of short notes . anything more than that , what is memorised is lost easily. I'm like a 10gb hard drive compared to anyone out there. plus , with lousy memory RAM so i do not accept storing of data fast as well.

well , now i'm purely a loser. I din think that my cca helped me a lot in grabbing a position in the universities. and i also know , I can't study well also . Look at me , my o level sucks compared to everyone. I never studied well . only during the primary school , i was a freak and only studied under my mum's instructions and always managed to be first 10 in class. And in sec sch , i got myself screwed and had no determination to study at all .

Now in poly , i screwed up my first year and only managed to get back some from year 2 onwards. It was too late , i guess i already ended my last final major school in my life.

Everytime i become paranoid and blame my fucking parents for who i am - the genes. But i don't think i should blame anybody but myself. i blasted my own chances , everytime.

what i wanna know now , whether does all this paper qualification matter in the end.

posted by Ben @ 5/02/2007 02:07:00 AM