rockin' my world.

ACT.4 - Am i a character on earth just like Squall Leonhart?

as i was on the bus ... a lot of thoughts run thru my mind ...

i realised .. i have material stuff .. love , care and concern from my friends are not so much within my reach .... The only love i get .. is from my family .

i don't know why .. my friends do not cherish time .. i always ask them out .. to spend time together .. is because i cherish them a lot .. and i know .. one of us might be gone anytime .. so the more we should appreciate each other and time together ..

But they don't . They take me for granted ...

i always thought i had the bestest friends on earth ... but .. it guessed i was blinded by a lie ... a lie said by myself ..

i'm not too sure why i have such a rough life ... i guess until now ,i don't know what is my purpose .. am i a experiment by God ? to be played over and over again ? Given such intelligience yet unable to use it ... i'm denied by Heaven again and again . No matter how hard i try .. i never seem to hit his expectations ..

People claim that they cherish and appreciate me ... well , they seem to be lies everytime ... i shan't trust anyone anymore . i know i can't do this .. but everytime i trust someone .. i'm betrayed . i don't get it . Even my bestest friend ...

The only reason why i wanna have a dog ... is because i want a companion . someone who can share my sorrows and joys .. someone who i can talk to at night .. who can spend his life with me ... well , i know i won't last long this lifetime .. but i'm trying my best to make my time worthwhile ...

In my whole life ... my parents .. sibling , teachers and me , were disappointed again and again because of me . i failed to reach to their expectations . But everytime i failed .. my parents were always the ones who believed in me . They tell me as long as i did my best ... it's ok . Life still goes on .. i did my best everytime in everything . But it just doesn't work out . it just doesn't .

everywhere i go .. people look down on me ... studies , basketball ... gaming ... even in love . do i deserve all this for 17 years ? even sometimes my friends look down on me ...

i feel like a boat ... a helpless boat .. in the middle of the sea ... drifting and drifting .. and i can see no shore ..no help around .. and i just wait .. and wait ..

Every obstacle i face .. i face it bravely by myself .. i really wish for a pillar of support .. cause i'll fall one day ..

i'm not sure whether i can walk this journey of life myself .. braving through storms and every battle ... i know , i won't make it .

Hope . Believe . May a miracle fall upon me .

posted by Ben @ 1/07/2005 05:49:00 PM