rockin' my world.

Who am i ?

Hmm , i was chatting to pame .. and i am still chatting with her .. and we talked bout some stuff .. life issues bah .. then i came across something ... that i have changed . and i didn't really succeed in changing myself back to who i was ... from a mr nice guy ... to what u can call ... " fit in any word u think is best "

Well , i really loved the old me .. i won't care whether i am suffering .. or whether i'm really feeling a lot of pain inside .. as long as i can help others , i don't care bout myself .

But what happened to me .. did a demon obtain a space in me ? what could have caused such a drastic change ...

hmm , u can say i matured as well .. i matured a lot a lot in this 2 years . and i know .. this will never stop as well ..

i missed the old ben . the old hong bin .

i'm not sure who i am now .. well , i need to find the answer .

Haha , i always thought .. that having someone new in my life would be the key to healing all my scars and wounds ... well , actually .. i have gotta fight that demon within myself . it doesn't matter whether i'm alone or not .

well , at least i have turned a little better than what i was quite sometime ago ... haha , still on the way to completing the journey !

hmmm , i wonder why i was thrown so many responsibilities at such a young age .. even from primary sch .. i was forced to handle things on my own . And when i really needed help .. i have no one to look to . i still gotta face everything myself .

and right now , i have even more .. it never ends . if i could , i don't want to sleep or rest ,i wanna work and work , cause i have come to a stage where i think , sleeping is a waste of time ...

i'm in a race against time .

Well .. my parents were always doubting me as well .. whether i'll be filial to them when i grow up .. i'm not sure either .. i won't know whether i'll change and this demon will take over me ... but i hope for the best ! i love my parents and my family will always be the ones i love most ! including my future wife and kids ! they'll be all i ever wanted ...

thinking too much ? well ... maybe , it has been quite some time i have enter this Portal again , where i think a lot and all that ... haha , let me sort out my tots bah !

hmm , well , bout the kim issue .. i thought the guys have finally start to got sick of it .. cause in the morning , they only mention one or 2 times .. but the afternoon , it starts all over again . i hate it when such stuff gets to the lecturers or higher authority . i hate the FALSE and lies in the world . i hate to lie . i hate lies stuffed into my face .

oh well .. my mood hasn't improved .. i haven chatted on the phone for ages , it's so unlike me ... i used to chat everyday .. cause i love to talk .. i love to express myself .. i love to talk bout life issues .. the world .. anything ...

But now .. there's no one left . i don't know what happened , or shld i blame the one above . Well , that's life . gotta live with it .

well , i think the only thing that can make me feel better .. is none other than singing ! and for my classmates , i don sing that bad when i really sing .. haha , don't expect that little from me all right ...

i gotta go . b4 my mood gets worst . same quote " ming tian hui gen hao " never stop believing.

posted by Ben @ 12/29/2004 10:29:00 PM