rockin' my world.

i have lost my soul , i have lost the war , i have lost everything .... ~ Meaning ... is there any more meaning in life .. i was forced to give up .... i had no choice .. i'm in a dead end .... i have no road to go except this .. why am i forced to take this path .. i don't want to ! Cause i know .. i will never be happy .... so God .. take me away ... seriously .. i can't take this path ! Ben used to laugh .. used to smile .. used to crap ... can i be ben once again ? it's destineed ... U wished for me to be myself again .. i can't .. i can't .. cause this hole in my heart .. is just too big .... that no lady , no girl , no angel , no miracle can mend it .. my heart is dying ... i have lost my spirit .. soul . and it won't come back ... so sad to hear this .. No matter how hard i try ..to smile .. i can never really smile like b4 .... i have lost all my pride . I have given my all ... for nothing . ~ i'm helpless ... went to east coast yesterday .. i tot the sea would always be my friend to take my troubles .. and he never failed .. but he failed yesterday . it seems like the pain will stay .. but it's all right if i suffer ... i just keep it all inside .. just pretend to be happy ... i don't wanna let anyone down ... as long as everyone's happy .. ~ Miracles .. i believed in them .. but i've lost faith in them yesterday ... i have lost faith in everything .. myself ... i can't love myself anymore ... i can't love anyone else anymore ... but i just try to run away .... run far away .. i have to be a man ... i don't want to be . ~ My heart has died .. i can feel it ... 27 January 2004 ... i won't forget this day .... the day that destroyed my all ... destroyed that small bit of warmth in my soul .. sorry .. i can't be myself anymore ... ~ People change .. i thought i would never change .. but it seems like i'm wrong .. i'm entering a big change ... and i just try to come back .. try to run away .. i can't get back here .. they have got hold of me so tight .. i can't break free ... ~ Lost it all ... is it ? what bout my friends ... my parents .. sorry ... i can't live on with no soul .. i have let them down ... i have let myself down . ~ Warmth .. can i feel it again ? i feel so cold now ... angels .. guardian angels ... no .. none will come by to save me .. No miracle .. came and save my soul .. i was alone .. trying to save it .... But i can't , i have tried my best .... ~ is it my destiny to become someone like Squall ? Cold hearted man ... is it ? perhaps .. i don't wanna be like him .. but only fate will decide . Only heaven can decide . and i don't know how many more times he wanna play with me .. i'm tired ... so tired . I'm begging him ... let go of me ! but again and again .. he played me like a toy ... slap me .. kick me ... tore my heart out .. ~ it's hard .. to love without a heart ... but i try .. and i managed to do it ... but .. it's for nothing ... Heaven planned it again to be like this .. why ? i have lost faith ... in everything .. in myself ... Hope - that i have always believe in .. i've lost it ... ~~ Come on ben .. do you think u can move her heart just a little ? no .. u are a failure .... u are a fool . A silly fool ... to be laughed at . Love ... do you think u can trust love ? ASk yourself .. does true love ever existed on this earth ? Love is just a state of mind .. isn't it ? don't be dumb ... ~~ No ! i believe ... i just believe .. that one day .. won't we be together ? ~~ no you won't .. don't lie to yourself .... don't dream an impossible dream .. ~~ If there's just this small hope .. i will hold on ! i won't let go ! i will not give up ... ~~ Sign - You are one loser ... i don't understand why u wanna hold on to something that is not gonna happen .. Because u believe ? what crap is that ??!! Come on .. face up to reality . She will never be yours . Even if you be on your knees til the end of time ... she wun come to you . Face it . ~~ i will not give up no matter how small the chances are ! I have faith .. in heaven ... i know , he's not playing with me ! he knows .. he have seen .. how much i love her ... i believe he's not a cruel being .. i believe he will be touched ... ~~ seeing is believing ... look , is her heart at least with u ? No !! God damn it NO !! it's with another man ! GEt it right into your damn head ! So , just give it up u Fool !! do you want a slap from me to make u wake up ! Wake up from dreamland boy ... dreams will never happen , don't lie to yourself .. ~~ i have only 2 paths . One is to hold on ... the other is to die . I rather die ... than to let go . i rather u kill me .. than to let it go .... do you understand what is love ? True love ? Have u ever felt it .... you don't understand don't you? Have your tears ever flow for one girl whom u love very much ? Cry endless nights .. have sleepless nights ? Do you ever have that ? Did your heart almost stopped when she broke your heart ? Did your hands and legs turn cold when she have told you something so hurting ? HAVE YOU ?? so tell me .. is letting go .. my only path ... i don't wanna choose this path .. seriously i don't want to ! i rather just drift .. on the tides of fate ... ~~ My boy .. u have nowhere to go . Just go ... die if you want to . Die Silly BOY ! i don' give a damn . if you want somebody to pierce that sword into your heart , i will be glad to . Just call me . I will do it for you !! Come on , give it up u bastard ! There are so many girls on this earth .. u can have them all if you want... and come on , i bet there are prettier ones and better one ? why choose this girl ? Tell me ! Don't be dumb ... be selfish .. ~~ No .. i can't .. i won't , i will not !! i will never let go .. i can't love any other girl .... i wanna be happy .. can i ? ~~ But how can u be happy when heaven is not on your side ? U are gonna be hurt in the end ... why not just run away with another girl ? Come on .. don't be dumb ... Be SMArt !! Don't tell me u dun wan a prettier girl ? No man can resist this ! ~~No .. i don't want ... i won't be happy .. looks don't matter ... Yes .. heaven may not be on my side .. but i just .. try , try ... i try my best to love her ... ~~ You have lost your heart , soul . Don't lie ... you can't love anyone anymore ! YOu knOW it ! Don't lie to yourself ... ~~ then let me die ... let me die .. without her .. life won't be meaningful .... ~ ~You are right ... don't lie . Don't conclude . I believe other girls will take over her place in your lost heart . ~~ No .. they will never ... i just know it . Don't let me try .. i just can't ... i can't love anyone anymore !! i can only love her ... ~~ Poor boy .. trapped in such a world ... Stubborn .. Foolish is all i can say bout u . Go , go and fall into the endless pit . I have tried to guide you into a better path .. where u don't need to die ! where you don't need to suffer . i don't understand why .. why u bear to see yourself suffer ... why can't u let go .. ~~ Because .. i love her . From the bottom of my heart .. i love her . No one else . ~~ Goodbye Ben ... i will never see you again . cause i know , u will become a pathetic soul .. u will lose your everything .. continue being dumb .. stubborn .. What crap bout love ... Poor boy , fated to lose his all ...

posted by Ben @ 1/28/2004 11:41:00 AM