rockin' my world.

A man without a soul . Dying ~ Woke up this morning .. Gave a Sign and headed for the toilet .. after that .. took up my hp and check for msgs ..that's the first thing i will do in the morning ... haiz .. so i wonder again ... is there any warmth left in my life ? feel so cold everywhere i go ... just wish ... for someone to hug me .. let me know that i'm still alive .. that this world is not a cold one .... that i'm not alone .... ~ Today and tomorrow .. my biggest fear , that i may get out of control .. and there goes a bashing frenzy ... and it will be the day , i lose my rank . Cause .. now , my mind is not in control ...it is my heart .. filled with anger and sadness . i cannot take anymore things into me now . No one understands is it ... what pain do i suffer .... such events that i'm going through .. it's not easy ... not easy..for a man to still be able stand .. ~ Darkness falls ... i see dark everywhere .. my eyes cannot focus anymore ... Wake up every morning to see my eyes swollen .. perhaps i cry every night in my sleep . in a week's time .. i will be overseas .. and i wonder .. will it be really an holiday ? will i be able to take a break .. will i ... make it ? i can't concentrate on whatever i do ... i'm losing it . And to think that no one is here to stand with me .... so sad , that you aren't here . Lies ... betrayal , truth .. ~ i hope everyday , before i sleep , tomorrow never comes , just wanna wake up .. to find myself in a different world .. a peaceful world .. no cruelty ... no lies . Heart still bleeds ..and it beating its very last moments .... my parents .. i've let them down ... i could not give them a simple thing called " Love " .. cause i did not treat them well these years ... i just wanna tell my mum now that , i love her a lot ... and i really do cherish her ..Sorry for all that i've done .. Sorry that i did not give her just one bit of love . Her beloved son has disappointed her .. a lot . And i just wish .. to go back to the day i was born ... so i could just treat her better . Be the man that i am not today ... be a happy guy .... able to smile everyday ... not like who i am today , souless .. dying . But i'm struggling ... to live on . For my frens , parents , i won't give up .. but if darkness takes over ... it's gone . That will be my last breath . Fate decides .. Sooner or later , it will come . We can't decide our destiny ... is it ? am i fated to have a life filled with pain and anger ? Perhaps it's all decided ...

posted by Ben @ 1/16/2004 11:35:00 AM