rockin' my world.

it's In The Way Move Me .. TeaSe me ... ~ Thinking of you .. what is going on ... ~ entering the pool of love soon ... i think .. i have someone in my heart already ... but whatever's the answer .. i have to find out ... i'm very confused ... i don't dare to love anymore ... i'm too afraid .. i don't have that courage to take that step ... ~ Man .. sometimes .. i really .. drive myself crazy.. thinking of you ... but i should not be feeling this .. isn't it ? if i take that very step .. i won't be able to look back .. i better ask my heart again .. and think twice .. ~ Martin advised me against this ... and i jolly well know in right in my mind that i should listen to him cause it's the truth ... ~ i'm so confused .. i just wanna know the answer from God himself ..~ wonder if she thinks of me at all ? misses me ... or does she misses me everyday ... Does she feel the same confusion as me ... Forbidden love .. We are so alike .. and so right for each other .. but in between .. there are just some great barriers that cannot be passed easily ... in fact .. there's only one great barrier .. and it's a very big one .. parents . ~ i just feel a little different now .. cause when i have such things happening to me .. i will tell someone , and that's you . you were always the first to know ... sometimes the only one that knows .. now that i have lost u .. i can only keep this to myself .... ~ People change . People sometimes are not whoever they seem to be ... For your info .. Ben's still Ben . he has not changed or neither did he hide his true self from you .. Whatever u are seeing is definitely not true ... ~ just want u to live ur life well ... no matter how sucky ur life maybe now ... look on the bright side . Death is not an option ... everyone has to face up to reality ... somehow have to find the courage in whatever u wanna do .. Please , don't say that u ain't gonna live long ... For me , i know . I know it right in my heart , God knows it too . I may die soon , may die anytime later . Cause my health is always failing me . But i still .. wanna live long . i will try my best .... i wanna .. spend my very last breath .. with my wife .. ~ i'm so glad .. that i have not changed much ... i'm becoming the man i was in the past .. now .. is just that i have to show everyone .. that i'm myself once again ... i wanna clear my name .. ~ Sorry ... things have got too far ... that we totally can't rewind ... Be on your own . Hope that ... he will be the pillar that u can fall on from that day onwards ... i can't be there for u anymore . i have took that selfish route .. to lead my own life ... ~ My dear friends , i just wanna say sth ... please please don't demand things from me . i'm sort of always the one organising bball and u all keep changing things here and there ... how am i supposed to coordinate ? then in the end .. i'm always the one getting shot at . What u all want ? So is it really that bball have left ur minds ? left ur souls ? The time we all spent together in the bball court , all lost from ur minds ? i just don't know why ... u guys don't cherish time with each other ... it's not as if we see each other everyday .... u guys really hope that someone dies then u will realize right ? forget bout it ... seems like .. we don't have that bond anymore ...

posted by Ben @ 3/13/2004 12:21:00 PM