rockin' my world.

caught in the middle . -- > Another day has passed .. was working ytd .. and after work i look at my hp .. 2 msgs .. the 2nd one shocked me ... couldn't desribed my reaction ... just shocked . ~ My mind was a blank . i really felt like just lying down on the floor and wait .... for the next day to come . what is happening to everyone ? what is happening to me ..... ~ i have changed quite a lot i realized ... and it sucks ... cause it's just not me ... right now , i DO have attitude problem ... in the past people always say i did , but i didn't .. i'm always accused . i'm always forced to say sorry in whatever issues . and i'm getting pretty sick of that . ~ i'm sick of life . Not that u are not around ... i'm just all of a sudden very sick of life. Really wanted to use my head to ram into the glasses at the hotel there ... at least that would make me feel better . ~ Misunderstandings - > Always leads to arguments between us ,didn't you realized that ? so we should try to get to the person b4 we do anything ... ~~ Why do i say i have been taking initiative for 4 years ? Not really talking bout you ... others too . Adelene ... actually , if i were me , i would blame her .. saying that she doesn't give a damn BUt , i must understand her too ... she have her own activities .. she can't think of me all the time or what .... then there's others .... ~ what i'm trying to say .. is that if you are busy , i shall not bother u ... this is what i'm tryin to say and one thing ... please be able to see what's wrong , what's right . if u are still gonna flare up bcos of this sentence , then ..... ~ Why do i say some things which u think may not be true ? think again ... why will i say them ? what caused me to think bout such things ? ~ One very impt thing .. when u see such a entry bout u .. please .. the first step should be to AMend the problem , not to care bout whether people see it from My point and blame u ... if you care more bout others which u never know who are , than me .... i don't know what to say . ~ Don't flare up of what i've said today .. cause if you flare up of whatever weaknesses i say of you .. why not i say what is not in my heart ? and let the truth within my heart be hidden .. so no one knows ? all i write is just smooth entries ..... ~~ i don't wanna be so dumb to kill myself .. but when i'm very frustrated ... i most probably would . Killing yourself is the most dumb thing and solution to use but when i get very angry , i just wanna whack everything around me ... and i wanna injure myself .. ~ now i just hope i don't become " insane " again like how i did in the past ... i don't want anything to happen to others or me ... ~ i've told my friends , although i may feel like killing myself , i will not . Cause when i die , what will happen to my parents ? are they gonna rely only on my bro to support them ? i have made all those promises and i should not break them . ~~ ytd went to work .. Raffles the plaza and Swissotel the stamford .... the world outside is very ugly . Punks everywhere and i have to tolerate ... cause one sentence or word can trigger the anger in me ... ~ what the heck am i saying in my entry ? haiz ... just have to get on with life ...

posted by Ben @ 2/12/2004 09:52:00 AM