It's gone .
i'm a fool again . vulgarties are my best companion when i'm fed up ... but now i shall not use it ! Ben ben ... a fool for 4 years ... fooled by woman .. fooled all by woman ... Angeline .. WAn xin .. Wei Ling .. i have lost Angelia back then as a good friend .. and now .. i never tot this day would come ... to lose my " Best Friend " . Were we best friends in the first place ? Martin say we are not .. and he said why ... and .. it's pretty true ... Martin again ? he's one damn good advisor so don't insult me .. my best friend when we were kids .. this is what i really call a good friend !! ~~ So ... so .. u are with him again ? lied to me again ? All right .. u leave me with no choice . No choice . i'm so glad that martin told me to wait .... and God .. never once hide the truth from me .. and i just love him man . i thank god for this . He's giving me one route and i will jolly well take it cause i know , it's for my own good . ~~ i think back .. of all the things we did together .. chatting everyday on the phone ... i'm letting go of these memories . i'm gonna leave them behind . i will not move on in life with them . what i did for u .. i felt like a complete idiot .. really an idiot .. i did it for love . I did it for my best friend . But it was not worth it ... and i almost be on bad terms with my cousin ... Valentine's day present .. haven't buy right ? so .. my guess is so right ... i bought so many things .... and i'm telling u the truth now . I Regret it like hell . I gave up my hong bao money and my freaking brother recieve no present from me this year .. i feel so bad !! and i think he was very disappointed ... ~ Give me attitude right .. i did nothing and u give me attitude right ... when i'm angry , i can do anything all right . DOn't ever get Ben angry i'm telling u this . Do you know that i have my dad's genes in me ? do u know my dad almost killed me in the past ? DO YOU ? killing his own son .. i can do the same too . But definitely not my family . ~~ i was thinking .. u gave me that Tag .. it wrote .. " Love keeps no record of wrongs ... " and i wanted to give each other one more chance again .... But .. Now , i don't think i will . My tolerance ends here . RIGHT HERE . It goes no further . Sorry , it's a fucking dead end ahead . Play with it and get yourself killed it u want . ~~ In Life .. i tot i was a lucky man .. to have someone like u as my best friend ... but i was wrong . I was WRONG . i became the biggest fool on earth instead . but i don't blame god . CAuse he helped me in the end . ~~ Jian sheng ... my 10 years friend .. i believe u now ... whatever u have said is all true ... i'm sorry ... ~~ i'm so glad that i did not give up my papers back then .. cause it will not be worth it ... so .. i'm still signing up for Pilot then .. i was thinking to give it up for u .. but No . Now i won't . ~~ Separate ways ? u forced me with nowhere else to go ... don't blame me . BLame yourself . Seriously .. u has destroyed that child in me . NOw , i must get Myself back . Cause if i lose myself .. changed bcos of u .. it's damn not worth it . I must stand up again . See a new me . SAtan came looking for me .... i was at such a dead end and now i'm revived ... Satan ... he even came and tried taking my life .. and u are definitely the cause . U betrayed my trust again and again . U shot me endlessly in the heart . ENDLessly . no no... i know my heart is still alive . I have to revive it , that's all . I will not lose it bcos of u . ~~ i always thought .. promises are never meant to be broken .. that vow that we took .. that we will never leave each other ... and now i'm gonna break it . i will feel lonely from today onwards . YEs i will . But .. girls are plentiful . My buddies and martin is always here . I shall not fear . Cause i have my family and my gang .. and my brothers ...~~ i really hate myself now man .. i really feel like a fool ... Jun xian .. i understand ur feelings now .. and the feelings are so fucked up !! ~~ CI course .. CLT course .. i have always wished for these courses to be over so we can catch up .. but after that.. came a guy .... U are one very cool girl man .. we are in rocky terms and u still lied to me ... THANKS A LOT MAN !! i really can't believe it ... ~~ One thing , i have told u b4 . I judge people . Based on character ... and i tell u one thing . I despise u . Seriously i do . ~~ Oh ... i bet after reading this .. u will scold me back there in your journal .. Fine , it will not be my problem . U are just shooting me back there .. flaring up .. saying that FINE U WANNA LEAVE ME THEN GO LA !! cause u just don't give a damn . A real best friend will cry right away .. will u ? ~~ i guess u won't come and get me after we go separate ways .. only show one thing . ACtually i don't mean anything in your life .. ~~ No wonder GOd is so kind to me lately ... giving me so many choices to make until i don't even know what to do . Cause i suffered so much ... What adelene said is so true . " U say u suffer so much now .. but who knows later on in life .. u will enjoy ? " .. and it's so true . i'm both angry .. and devastated . ~~ Best friends .. ? for 4 years .. what a tragic end ... Forced to leave .. not a decision by God or Fate .. it's of one doing's . A mistake by human . ~~ Forgive and forget ... this phrase tot my god... Scorpio has one unique thing .. and it's that they don't forgive and forget . They will avenge whatever harm they have recieved ... ~~ Now u know what it means by attitude ? ATTITUDE ? U SURE LOve givin attitude right ? now have it back ! u love it huh ? u want more of it ? ~~ they always call it a triangle .. my ncc buddies. U me and that guy . Oh sorry , now it's just u and him .. in your beautiful world . Ben's gotta go . he was kicked out ... if only i can find a few companions with me to drink beer .. i will drink and drink ... til i get drunk ... i wanna forget all that has happened ... i wanna get brain washed . Thank god for martin .. who always try to brain wash me .... i believe in God more. He did not make my life suck ! He guided me thru the correct ways . Thank god .. seriously man . ~~ Wow .. i still wanna say more man . Cause my heart cannot rest .. it can't . the minute i knew u were with him ... i slammed my mouse ... i'm not gonna smack my hand into the computer cause this fucking computer cost my parents 2399 bucks and they worked bloody hell hard for this money . Not worth it if i smack the computer for this type of dumb matter . First , gonna get my hand injured, waste more cash , next , gonna dirty my room . Next , trouble my parents . ~~ Final fantasy .. my life is a rollercoaster ... i have been living a dream . But now i have finally woke up . I was living just a fantasy . i tot i was really in a beautiful world ... ~~ Not gonna see sparky again .. bit sad though ... hope that he will not suffer or what .. ~ 18 years old .. soon to be 18 ... they say woman mature faster than man .. now i doubt so. i doubt so . Who's the one that still has the " hai Zi pi Qi " ? ~ i end it here . Long good bye. God has state it clear . I go wherever he will go .
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